Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
