How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize