Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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