guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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