Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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