Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
