i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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