I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
