What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My pussy is not your playground.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
