I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
