Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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