sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want a musical about memes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
