PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
one might say we're banned from that church
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
