Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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