I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
