If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will be naked everywhere
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
