the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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