I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
