She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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