Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
