I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
