It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize