And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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