nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm bleeding and have questions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
