he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize