What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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