Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
