I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
