She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
