she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
where am i from again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
