That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
