The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
