Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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