he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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