What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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