What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
