What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
