We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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