Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
