hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
