Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
