I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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