I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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