you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
