Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize