You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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