every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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