So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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