you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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