I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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