She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how drunk are you?
Several
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
