Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my vag is so smooth its legendary
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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