I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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