**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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