just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
