This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had to cum in my sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
