Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
