I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
