3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Small penises have feelings too.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
