You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
