He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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