I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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